It feels like leaving you behind.

Our son spent his second full day in kindergarten today, his sister spent her second day in second grade. When we dropped them off and drove away my wife was crying because our son was requesting to be dropped off, he didn't want us coming inside the gate with him. He was ready and excited to go to school and he didn't need us to be there. This is a good thing of course, good that he is well adjusted enough to feel comfortable in the new environment and a normal part of growing up. It was hard for my wife though, because he's so clearly not our baby anymore. For me the mornings events felt different. I found myself thinking of Asher, our son who would have also been spending his second day in second grade with his twin sister if he hadn't passed away at seven months from SIDS. As we drove away I couldn't shake the feeling that we were somehow leaving him behind, leaving Asher behind. I'm not really sure why I felt this way. It could be part of my own realization that our children aren't babies anymore and of course our only memories of Asher are as a baby. It could be watching my wife deal with a normal bit of happy sorrow that all moms go through on back to school days as their children grow faster than they would like and knowing that she's also thinking of our Asher too. I don't know.